A beautiful and powerful story from a wonderful coaching client…
Having a conversation with yourself is powerful, and starting one is tricky.
Since losing my mom last year, I felt weak, different, misunderstood. I never had the chance to sit down and think about what happened. I never had the opportunity to grieve and went straight back to the usual busy life — work, moving houses, and seeing friends. I didn’t give myself time to understand what happened in the last month or even process that the only person who would love me unconditionally was gone. I thought I would never be the same, and I accepted it. I thought it was a life-changing moment, mindset, and even a lesson, and I assumed that I should keep going and live like nothing ever happened. And somewhere in the following months, I lost myself. I lost my confidence. I lost part of me.
I always loved writing, but never about my feelings. After my mom passed away, I was told multiple times to write to her when I felt like I wanted to share something with her. The first time I decided to try was her birthday, which was just 2 months after she passed away and needless to say — it was hard. It was so hard; I was feeling physical pain. I was upset for days, keeping my feelings in my head. Of course, this slowly started affecting every part of my life — work, the relationship with my partner, my friends and even my family. It was hard to share, even with your most loved ones. I believed that no one could understand my pain.
Coming from this experience, I never did it again, and it was too hard, just thinking about it. After a conversation with Rebecca, her words really stuck with me. I decided to start writing again. The first time was difficult, I felt sad, and I couldn’t look at the words I wrote and quickly closed my journal. Two days later, I tried again. I took my journal; I wanted to go to a neutral environment, so I went to the closest park; luckily, the sun was out. I started writing.
It was difficult; I had to stop multiple times because the emotions were taking over. After two hours with long breaks, I finally got to the end. I wrote everything that I wanted to share with my mother and more. Not only, but I was able to read it, which felt like a huge achievement. I went back home, had a shower, “washed off” all the feelings away and felt so calm — like never before. So, I did the same in the following days.
I was not only talking to my mum, but I was also talking to myself. I took the time and thought about where I currently am, what I want, what inspires me, and what I want to achieve. After these few days, a wave of confidence filled my body. I felt confident, assertive, present with a positive mindset. I appreciated everything around me — my job, my partner, friends, the ability to create beautiful moments. I felt so synchronised with myself, my mind, and my body.
Often, I believe that my confidence depends on other people or specific events, even materialistic objects. I’ve learned that confidence comes from within us, and the only way we can find it is by continuously working towards it. Rebecca showed me the right way and made me believe that I could grow out of the negativity and showed me that this is just a fraction of a moment. Writing your feelings, taking the time to do something for yourself, and really understanding your mind is the most powerful skill we all have.
There is no deadline or measure of time — learning about ourselves is a lifetime process.